Christian Sex and Marriage–It’s Complicated

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The vast majority of Christian men and women polled in a nationwide survey gave their marital intimacy a failing grade.

This book was written to help change those scores by offering practical tools to raise the level of emotional and sexual intimacy in your marriage. 




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Rebecca Reilly gives straightforward answers to questions posed by Jesus Followers who struggle with sexual and emotional unity in their marriage.  Backed by scripture, research, and countless interviews, Christian Sex and Marriage-It’s Complicated provides a toolbox of advice, activities, and how-to’s designed to deepen intimacy and ignite passion.

Real Stories. Real Pain. Real Answers.

Inspired by the struggles, the shame, and the victories of Jesus Followers who thought sex would be easy. Every section begins with testimonies. Every chapter ends with self-evaluation questions, conversation starters, and activity ideas to help you communicate with your spouse and strengthen the unity of your marriage.


I love the exercises and conversation starters at the end of every chapter. These are excellent tips and actionable advice where you work on yourself and with your partner. Heck, one of the exercises even helped me with a non-romantic relationship.

 To the author, I’d like to add that reading your book has been a blessing. From the exercises on evaluating oneself to the conversation starters and just an idea sections. I found myself truthfully answering some tough questions and guiltily putting others on hold for fear that I would not like the answers(I will get to them, eventually). I have a better picture of what I want in a relationship and a better idea of my role and responsibility in said relationship.

I recommend this book to anyone that wants a healthy relationship with a real person. If your sexual relationship leaves a lot to be desired, you needed this book last month. Get this even if you think your partner will resist change and start identifying the underlying issues and working on a plan to resolve them.

You don’t need to believe that the intimacy in your relationship is in trouble to read this book. Just because there aren’t any complaints doesn’t mean there aren’t any problems. It’s never easy to tell your spouse that they’re doing something wrong or not quite hitting the spot. If it’s already great, read this anyway, you may learn some new tricks.

Don’t care for the religious aspect? then do what you normally do, roll your eyes, suck your teeth, just don’t pass on this book because of some biblical scriptures(it won’t kill you, promise;)). This may sound cliche but this book may even change your life. At the very least you can reaffirm that you have a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. It may also keep you from the ramifications of adultery.

I was not sure what to expect with this book, as I have not really read anything similar previously. It was fairly graphic [not in a bad way! just more than I anticipated :)]. As I am a pretty open person when it comes to the actual sexual stuff, I mostly enjoyed reading about the mental and spiritual aspects of intimacy. While I recognize marital sex as a gift from God, sometimes I forget that it is not simply the physical, so this book was a nice reminder.

Rebecca has a message to share that will help marriages, young and old. She isn’t afraid to tackle tough topics in this book and I’m impressed at how she was able to incorporate both humor and gut wrenching interviews throughout. Applicable to those with and without faith, I think anyone who’s been married for any length of time would find this insightful and helpful.

Chapter Outline 

Chapter One–The Great Sex Doctrine Lie

If you wait—sex will be great!

Chapter Two–Two Keys to Having a Great Sex Life

Know God and Love Yourself

Chapter Three–Red Light—Green Light

Problems That Come To Those Who Wait for Sex Until Marriage

Chapter Four–Premarital Sex is Not the Unforgiveable Sin

“There’s no problem so awful, that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse.” Bill Watterson

Chapter Five–Turn the Key—Start the Car: Let’s Talk Mechanics

“Sex is an emotion in motion.” Mae West

Chapter Six–Foreplay

“The mistake the two of us made,” I said, “was that we skimped the foreplay. I’m not blaming you, it was as much my fault as yours, but it was a fault nonetheless.” J.M. Coetzee

Chapter Seven–The Power of Casual Touch

“At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” Plato

Chapter Eight–Romantic Endeavors

“Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.”  Elinor Glyn

Chapter Nine–Oral Sex

Something many Jesus following women want to learn—as long as no one knows they’re studying it

Chapter Ten–Speaking and Hearing Love

“I do know where I’m going and it’s just a matter of finding the language to get there.” John Irving

Chapter Eleven–I Have Little to No Sex Drive—Am I Broken?

“That was the thing about the world: it wasn’t that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn’t expect.” Lev Grossman

Chapter Twelve–The Why and the How of Playing Sex Games

“Life is more fun if you play games.” Roald Dahl

Chapter Thirteen–Health Matters

“Respect your body. Eat well. Dance forever.”  Eliza Gaynor Minden

Chapter Fourteen–When Attraction Shifts to Another

The lucky ones wake up, see the distance growing, and do something to stop it. Others look for someone else to fill in the gap.

Chapter Fifteen–Sex and Aging

 Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?”  Genesis 17:17

 About the Author

Rebecca Reilly is a retired pastor who spent thirty-one years in family life and youth ministries. She holds a BS in Bible, and BA in Professional Studies, and a Masters in Education.

Rebecca has been happily married for thirty-two years, is the mother of two, grandmother of one, and lives in Northern California.

You can follow Rebecca on Facebook (, Twitter (, Goodreads, and at Contact Rebecca at


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4 thoughts on “Christian Sex and Marriage–It’s Complicated

  1. Becky, I’ve read most of the book. WOW, what a lot of good information!! I’m recommending it to others all the time. Anyone can learn from this book.

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